As I stare at this blinkng cursor which seems to challenge me for a race to type in the right and straightforward words for what had been and will be, I suddenly felt nervous. It has never been easy for anyone, let alone yours truly, to lay bare what filled and crossed my thoughts and soul through the curves and strokes of letters especially if the year that was had not been the easiest in almost all aspects. But then I find solace in the knowledge that everyone had his or her fair share of misery, hence, I could not raise a howl and claim to have been singled out by some greater being to suffer the most.
The biggest blow for me and my family came when my sister who has been living and working as a software developer in the United States since 1993 had been diagnosed to be suffering from colon cancer. Suffering from cancer is not new to me since most of my relatives both here and across the seas struggled with it and some even succumbed to its harsh pull. However, my sister’s (at the ripe age of 37 at that!) case proved to be the most devastating because she is within my innermost circle of family. But what made it more difficult was the fact that we could not rush to her side to care for her. My parents who are both in their sixties were, unfortunately, not even given visas by the US Embassy here in Manila even when they had a medical certificate as proof of what my sister is suffering from.
I really could not understand why those people in the US Embassy had decided that way. My parents have no plans of staying in the United States a day longer than the period it may require for my sister to get used to the painful process of chemotherapy - not for the whole six-month treatment but only a month or two. How can they? When both are suffering from rheumatism and arthritis and are not quite fond of cold weather? When both would surely miss playing with their grandchildren?
But they are parents! No age or painful joint or icy spells could ever dissuade a determined pair. Too bad though since there are institutions which refuse to consider matters of this kind.
My heart went out for my mother who, one night when I got home from office, I saw crying while on the phone because my sister who just had her first chemo session was crying in pain on the other end. She said that her stomach was hurting so bad and she felt so weak that she could not even walk, or open the refrigerator.
We burned the wires that night, ringing up other relatives in the US who could possibly look after my sister and thanked God, we were blessed with some. An aunt, a retired nurse from Texas, phoned my sister and explained to her that the first few sessions are expectedly the most painful. But given how young my sister is, my aunt said that she would eventually manage just fine. My uncle from California who is suffering from the same illness called her up to lift her spirits with jokes, which mostly poked on his condition which has been further aggravated by diabetes. And a cousin from New Jersey, whom we have not heard from for the longest time since her mother died from breast cancer, told my sister that she'll be visiting her soon. Each with a personal story to tell - of unique struggles experienced, fears felt and decisions made, that in the final analysis brought out a shared identity, an empowering empathy.
Now, as I am writing this piece, my sister has gone through five chemo sessions already and is getting better. The pain, according to her, has become bearable and in her latest e-mail to me she even thanked us for being her source of strength. Ain’t that something? We were not even able to physically touch her but she has drawn the will to go through the painful chemo sessions from us. What she said struck a note in me - a realization that in our journey through life, wherever and whenever our dreams and hopes may lead us, the physical distance can never be as formidable as the bind that ties us to our family. Physical time and space may thwart us to be where we are needed or where we want to be but our consciousness which is so intertwined with the rest of humanity, our intangible being-ness always run free. Through kind words, prayers and even in the stillness of our thoughts when we longed for what is good for others we can heal and be healed; and those who have left us will find a way home.
Pain won over is a badge to be worn proudly! And to the challenges that will come this year, with the loving God with us and in us, I say ... bring them on.
The most blessed and blissful New Year to all!
The biggest blow for me and my family came when my sister who has been living and working as a software developer in the United States since 1993 had been diagnosed to be suffering from colon cancer. Suffering from cancer is not new to me since most of my relatives both here and across the seas struggled with it and some even succumbed to its harsh pull. However, my sister’s (at the ripe age of 37 at that!) case proved to be the most devastating because she is within my innermost circle of family. But what made it more difficult was the fact that we could not rush to her side to care for her. My parents who are both in their sixties were, unfortunately, not even given visas by the US Embassy here in Manila even when they had a medical certificate as proof of what my sister is suffering from.
I really could not understand why those people in the US Embassy had decided that way. My parents have no plans of staying in the United States a day longer than the period it may require for my sister to get used to the painful process of chemotherapy - not for the whole six-month treatment but only a month or two. How can they? When both are suffering from rheumatism and arthritis and are not quite fond of cold weather? When both would surely miss playing with their grandchildren?
But they are parents! No age or painful joint or icy spells could ever dissuade a determined pair. Too bad though since there are institutions which refuse to consider matters of this kind.
My heart went out for my mother who, one night when I got home from office, I saw crying while on the phone because my sister who just had her first chemo session was crying in pain on the other end. She said that her stomach was hurting so bad and she felt so weak that she could not even walk, or open the refrigerator.
We burned the wires that night, ringing up other relatives in the US who could possibly look after my sister and thanked God, we were blessed with some. An aunt, a retired nurse from Texas, phoned my sister and explained to her that the first few sessions are expectedly the most painful. But given how young my sister is, my aunt said that she would eventually manage just fine. My uncle from California who is suffering from the same illness called her up to lift her spirits with jokes, which mostly poked on his condition which has been further aggravated by diabetes. And a cousin from New Jersey, whom we have not heard from for the longest time since her mother died from breast cancer, told my sister that she'll be visiting her soon. Each with a personal story to tell - of unique struggles experienced, fears felt and decisions made, that in the final analysis brought out a shared identity, an empowering empathy.
Now, as I am writing this piece, my sister has gone through five chemo sessions already and is getting better. The pain, according to her, has become bearable and in her latest e-mail to me she even thanked us for being her source of strength. Ain’t that something? We were not even able to physically touch her but she has drawn the will to go through the painful chemo sessions from us. What she said struck a note in me - a realization that in our journey through life, wherever and whenever our dreams and hopes may lead us, the physical distance can never be as formidable as the bind that ties us to our family. Physical time and space may thwart us to be where we are needed or where we want to be but our consciousness which is so intertwined with the rest of humanity, our intangible being-ness always run free. Through kind words, prayers and even in the stillness of our thoughts when we longed for what is good for others we can heal and be healed; and those who have left us will find a way home.
Pain won over is a badge to be worn proudly! And to the challenges that will come this year, with the loving God with us and in us, I say ... bring them on.
The most blessed and blissful New Year to all!
