Tough Love

On the cross, I stare while basking in silence

With nary a thought traipsing in my head

Merely taking my time in tracing each crimson path

That from His crown and nails had spread.

Then my gaze fell on His eyes, and was shaken

From there, a disconcerting truth, revealed

That despite the enormous weight of pain

There reigns a love unparalleled, pure and still.

Then I wondered if even for a moment, He wavered in His belief,

While under the blistering heat of the noontime sun, which offered no reprieve

His sight sweeping across a sea of angry faces, hoarsely screaming for His blood

When days before, His words and works, to their brokenness soothed and salved.

It could have had been more acceptable if in His dying breath

The fiercest condemnation from His lips He did not repress

But then, off-guard they were all taken, hardly did they expect

Because before His eyes fluttered to a close, forgiveness was all He said.

On hindsight, I am filled with gratitude that things turned out according to His way

Since like the people of yore, I too, because of sins have been badly frayed.

If He had given up on them, then now, to whom should I turn for relief?

Moreover, with all the lies around, then in whose truth should I believe?

And so, to the high heavens, with head bowed, I whispered my thanks

Since He chose to rise from the challenge and to us, He gave an awesome grace

That is, though truly undeserving, through a promise He faithfully keeps,

That to anyone who asks, knocks, and seeks, endless second chances He would give.

The Wider Circle

There is a wider circle

That every soul should know

Where pain stings much deeper

And spirits are brought so low.

In there, are plaintive voices growing louder

From hunger and misery unappeased

From homelessness and hopelessness

That has yet to cease.

Do not speak about never having enough

When others have nothing to speak of

Do not fret about the clime while fully clothed

And on the near nakedness of some, still have the gall to gloat

Look closely and carefully at that circle

And please, please do not take delight

On the knowledge that you enjoy a greater edge

Or in their filth and decay, them, you must despise.

For if you do, then you have done the same

To me, whom you call, “my Lord”

Because once, I was in that circle too

And on its shores was moored.

So do not resort to indifference or apathy

If you would want to be true

To the faith that you profess so ostensibly

Since there is still so much work to do

So take my hand and hold on tight

For the toil ahead would be tough

However, rest assured that in the end

Your cause will not go to naught.

You may expire from weariness

With your friends forgetting your name

But in my kingdom, your room awaits

With my love for you, timelessly set aflame.

Stilled Bliss from Unfettered Time

Dusk silently settling all around, moving surreptitiously

Without breaking man’s reverie... in such effortless pace

Waltzing between diaphanous lights and thickening shades

Till now and then, are tightly twined into a nocturnal embrace.

The inevitability of letting go of how was and how is

In passing moments, like sands sifting through clasped hands,

Providentially unbridled in their undulating dance,

While smithereens of life, strewing all over with each prance.

Then with nary a sign, the music would come to a halt

Often not with dissipating faintness or even a hallow thud

But through an intrusive new tune that would tear and rob

Of a dreamer of his hope or a lover of his love.

If only man be excused from such foreordained lot,

Never to be unwittingly caught in a state of regret or distraught

Over chances missed in words unuttered and feelings unexpressed

But forever, to live in the moment when he is most blessed.

Alas! Reality would always remind, this cannot and will not be so

For even a thousand dawns would not make for a day

Since the radiance of morn through the velvety shadows, relayed,

Like an instance of courage is birthed from its progenitor’s dismay

Still, there is solace in this seemingly inescapable plight

Because such frivolous pursuit is only half the slight

If in each bliss, man would live and give, as if it is his last

Then such moment is his, eternally to bask.

Reflection on Matthew 10: 7-15

Why would we want to rock the boat when we can just enjoy the ride?

As Christians, we are called to become God's prophets - witnesses to and bearers of His Good News. However, being a prophet is no walk in the park since one is bound to disturb comfort zones in order to present better possibilities and broader horizons, or as Fr. Jerry Orbos puts it, "to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable."

Moreover, there are problems more intractable than the challenges of changing hearts like say, the formidable task of dealing with frozen hearts.

So what are we to do?

In such circumstance, Jesus tells us, in today's Gospel, never to give up on people despite the fact that there will always be moments that people may not be willing or not yet ready to move forward with us. We are not to badger, or get angry or to condemn them but just to move on - to hold these people in prayer, to hope for the future, to commend them into God's hands and let go.

Reflection on John 10:31-42

In today’s gospel we would hear Jesus make a bold assertion on his divinity – of the unity of his holy human nature with the one Person of the Word, equal to the Father, and one entity with Him. The religious Jews to whom this assertion was addressed understood it as a blasphemy that, driven in their anger, they wanted to stone Jesus to death.

Same is true with the fathers of our faith who were accused and persecuted because they chose to uphold Jesus’ assertion. Among them was Saint Basil who said, “For two charges at the same time are made in the accusation against me. One, that I separate the Persons, and the other, that I never employ in the plural any of the names appropriate to God but speak in the singular, of one Goodness, one Power, one Godhead, and all the others similarly.”

Oftentimes, we are driven with maddening frustration and anger whenever we could not provide rational explanations or contain feelings, events or phenomena into the limited confines of letters or words, more so, of our intellect. However, Jesus implied, in the preceding lines before this assertion, a different kind of “knowing” in order for us to embrace his divinity. A kind of knowing that stems from deep love of and for God, an unwavering faithfulness to His promise and a generous self-surrender to Him. Just like in the case of Abraham, who according to Pope Paul VI, “rejoiced at the thought of seeing the Day of Christ, the Day of Salvation: he ‘saw it and was glad.’

Reflection on Mark 6:7-13

This week’s gospel readings have been showing different manifestations of faith: faith in the promise of salvation; faith that heals and even conquers death; the lack of faith from among the people in Jesus’ hometown; and today, on faith journey.

The global financial crisis has thrown some of us into the widening morass of anxiety and helplessness. The sense of losing our grip amidst the deluge of issues on unemployment, corruption, bankruptcy, hunger and homelessness has left some of us bereft of hope for a better future. What we cannot calculate, what we cannot fathom, what we cannot control easily unnerve us.

Perhaps the readings for this week have been designed as such so as to that we will be reminded the quintessential elements of faith trust and dependence, of letting go and letting God while urging us to continue His saving mission just like when He summoned the twelve apostles. His missionary work of anointing the sick and driving out demons which he bequeathed to the disciples and to us comes with a promise that by not taking additional provisions for our journey we are to expect that He would constantly watch over us and would provide for all our needs. He also reminded us to travel in pairs so as to avoid isolation that breeds spiritual pride and that a shared faith journey is far more enriching because of the reciprocity of talents and gifts between two persons.

In short, our faith journey requires more of unpacking than packing … “of emptying our self of everything that distracts us from God” as Henri Nouwen puts it, since in anything and everything that we are faced with, God alone is and will always suffice.

On the First Day of the First Month of 2009

As I stare at this blinkng cursor which seems to challenge me for a race to type in the right and straightforward words for what had been and will be, I suddenly felt nervous. It has never been easy for anyone, let alone yours truly, to lay bare what filled and crossed my thoughts and soul through the curves and strokes of letters especially if the year that was had not been the easiest in almost all aspects. But then I find solace in the knowledge that everyone had his or her fair share of misery, hence, I could not raise a howl and claim to have been singled out by some greater being to suffer the most.

The biggest blow for me and my family came when my sister who has been living and working as a software developer in the United States since 1993 had been diagnosed to be suffering from colon cancer. Suffering from cancer is not new to me since most of my relatives both here and across the seas struggled with it and some even succumbed to its harsh pull. However, my sister’s (at the ripe age of 37 at that!) case proved to be the most devastating because she is within my innermost circle of family. But what made it more difficult was the fact that we could not rush to her side to care for her. My parents who are both in their sixties were, unfortunately, not even given visas by the US Embassy here in Manila even when they had a medical certificate as proof of what my sister is suffering from.

I really could not understand why those people in the US Embassy had decided that way. My parents have no plans of staying in the United States a day longer than the period it may require for my sister to get used to the painful process of chemotherapy - not for the whole six-month treatment but only a month or two. How can they? When both are suffering from rheumatism and arthritis and are not quite fond of cold weather? When both would surely miss playing with their grandchildren?

But they are parents! No age or painful joint or icy spells could ever dissuade a determined pair. Too bad though since there are institutions which refuse to consider matters of this kind.

My heart went out for my mother who, one night when I got home from office, I saw crying while on the phone because my sister who just had her first chemo session was crying in pain on the other end. She said that her stomach was hurting so bad and she felt so weak that she could not even walk, or open the refrigerator.

We burned the wires that night, ringing up other relatives in the US who could possibly look after my sister and thanked God, we were blessed with some. An aunt, a retired nurse from Texas, phoned my sister and explained to her that the first few sessions are expectedly the most painful. But given how young my sister is, my aunt said that she would eventually manage just fine. My uncle from California who is suffering from the same illness called her up to lift her spirits with jokes, which mostly poked on his condition which has been further aggravated by diabetes. And a cousin from New Jersey, whom we have not heard from for the longest time since her mother died from breast cancer, told my sister that she'll be visiting her soon. Each with a personal story to tell - of unique struggles experienced, fears felt and decisions made, that in the final analysis brought out a shared identity, an empowering empathy.

Now, as I am writing this piece, my sister has gone through five chemo sessions already and is getting better. The pain, according to her, has become bearable and in her latest e-mail to me she even thanked us for being her source of strength. Ain’t that something? We were not even able to physically touch her but she has drawn the will to go through the painful chemo sessions from us. What she said struck a note in me - a realization that in our journey through life, wherever and whenever our dreams and hopes may lead us, the physical distance can never be as formidable as the bind that ties us to our family. Physical time and space may thwart us to be where we are needed or where we want to be but our consciousness which is so intertwined with the rest of humanity, our intangible being-ness always run free. Through kind words, prayers and even in the stillness of our thoughts when we longed for what is good for others we can heal and be healed; and those who have left us will find a way home.

Pain won over is a badge to be worn proudly! And to the challenges that will come this year, with the loving God with us and in us, I say ... bring them on.

The most blessed and blissful New Year to all!